When this doesn’t even represent half the cats present in the house, you know you’ve got too damn many cats. (flickr) Thanks, all y’all, for your comments yesterday regarding the curtains. I think what I’ve decided is that I’m going to return the curtains (no, they don’t have the same curtains in purple). I should have mentioned that I do have blinds up in that room, they just don’t quite darken the room as much as I’d like. We’re going to go get the more expensive room-darkening blinds this weekend (hopefully) and then I’m going to get some simple valances to hang across the top. As for the sweaters, thanks for your comments about those, too. I’m not buying the dark red sweater, because to look decent in that, I had to suck my gut in so hard I was seeing stars. (On a side note, it cracks me up to find out that Target carries a lower-priced alternative to Spanx called Assets!) Maybe next year I’ll start shopping for my Christmas outfit early, and y’all can dress me like a Barbie doll. I’ll try on several different outfits, and you can vote! (Everyone vote for the appliquéd sweater to make Jane cry!) I’m not buying the blue sweater, either – I’m just finding something I already own to wear, and I’m going to call it good enough.


I ran a few errands yesterday before my hair appointment, and next year when I’m bitching about the line at the post office, y’all feel free to remind me that I live so close to the Smallville post office that I can step out onto the front porch and see it, and a long line at that post office is maybe three people. I was going to check the PO Box in Madison and had two packages to mail, so was just going to mail it from there, only I stopped at the Smallville post office instead, and I was out of there in less than five minutes. I still went to the Madison post office to check the PO Box, and I was very glad to not have to stand in the thirty-person-long line there. From there, I went to Walgreen’s to pick up some pictures, and then I had just enough time to get to the hair-cuttin’ place for my 11:00 appointment. The last few times I’ve had my hair done, the hair chick asked when I was going to bring her some eggs. I’d been meaning to, but kept forgetting, and yesterday I finally remembered. She was quite impressed with the blue eggs – had never seen blue eggs before – and said she was going to use them to make her Christmas morning casserole. With my hair did, and styled in the fashion I refer to as “’60s Helmet ‘Do”, I stopped by the grocery store for dinner ingredients, and got home a few minutes before 2:00, just in time for lunch. I was unloading groceries from my car when Fed Ex showed up with a couple of boxes. He carried them to the side stoop for me (I tried to take them from him, but he was all “I’ve got it! They’re kind of heavy! Little lady!” (okay, not so much the “little lady” part)) and after I’d put the groceries away I brought the boxes inside (okay, they were a bit heavy. But not too heavy for me, because I = badass. Also, stronger than I look.) and opened them. Last week I ordered a bunch of “green” cleaning products from Gaiam. Here at Crooked Acres, we have a septic tank, and thus everything I clean with gets washed into the septic tank, and I would really hate it if all kind of chemicals messed with the septic tank. (Also, I loves me some environment and cares tons about the world I leave behind for my child and grandchildren blah blah blah.) So the boxes that came yesterday was all the cleaning stuff I’d ordered, and when I opened the boxes, what did I find? All that environmentally safe cleaning stuff packed in environment-killing styrofoam peanuts. I called Fred and told him of the horror. Then my mother called, and I told her of the horror. Then I emailed Jane to ask her if this was true irony or just Alanis Morrissette irony, and she emailed me back to say that it was true irony (and then she mentioned the environment-killing airline fuel and gas used to get that environmentally safe cleaning stuff to my house, which I hadn’t even thought of. Well, I had thought of it, but when I compared the cost to the environment versus the cost to my mental health caused by having to drive to the health food store and be around all those dirty hippies, I figured the environment could just suck it). So I was gearing up for a diatribe about the ridiculousness and how Gaiam doesn’t care all THAT much about the environment, and then I got to looking at the insert that came with the order, where I read These off-white “peanuts” are made from a starch mixture of potato and wheat. They are 100% biodegradable and water soluble and will not pollute groundwater. They can be disposed of in your garbage disposal, flushed down a toilet or drain, dissolved in the yard with a hose or in your composter. Well played, Gaiam. And since the peanuts are safe for the environment, I didn’t take the one Sugarbutt was playing with away from him, and after he chewed it for a little while, he walked away licking his lips, and there on the floor behind him was a pile of peanut goo. I flicked it out into the yard, secure in the knowledge that I am not killing the environment. Well. I AM killing the environment with my mere existence – global warming? TOTALLY my fault! – but not with that peanut!


“Tell me ONE MORE TIME how cute I am, lady, and I’ll come over there and rip your throat out with my teeth. And I will PURR while I’m doing it. Ah hets yew.” (flickr)


Previously 2006: I wonder how often dental patients go into a screaming rage and get violent with dental hygienists, because I certainly feel the impulse every time I have my teeth cleaned. 2005: Also, if Hollabackness is a desired state of being, how do I go about achieving it? 2004: Apparently she’s a princess now. 2003: Three things. 2002: My shit list. 2001: Emailing gets me all excited. 2000: I sure whine about the weather a lot, don’t I? 1999: Disaster averted!]]>