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11-5-08

by @ 8:05 am on November 5, 2008. Filed under Life, Picture Entries

I blame Joe Bob for my current visitors! I had a dream Monday afternoon (my husband works 3rd shift and we have a new baby, so I sleep during the day) that you had posted a blog entry about giving Joe Bob away due to his neurotic behavior. Monday evening we had THREE stray cats come up on our porch. We haven’t had strays around here since we moved in back in 2000. We live a couple hundred feet from a 70mph highway, and there was no way I could leave them out there…especially when I saw that one was declawed! So now we have 23 month old twins, a 3 month old, a (small) dog, 11 resident cats, and 3 temporary fosters while I search for non-kill alternatives. Is it a coincidence that Vistor #1 (I call him Joss) is grey and white? I think not! Anyone in Michigan looking to adopt some adult cats? Photos at my blog!

I blame Joe Bob, too. Everything’s his fault, the little bastard. (Good thing for him that deep down inside he’s really a good boy, I suppose!)

Michiganders? Need a cat or two or three? They’re awfully cute!

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Several weeks ago, I decided that the leaves in the side yard needed to be raked up and carried (via the tractor) to the compost heap. Fred brought the tractor around, and I scooped the leaves up into the tractor… scoop… thingy.

It was a pain in the ass, using my hands and the rake to scoop up those damn leaves.

Not long after, as if a sign directly from the Gods of Gardening, I happened to be leafing through a catalog – Gardener’s Supply Company, to be exact – and I came across an item that would surely make my life easier.

Leaf Scoops!

Big scoops that are made to fit over your hands, with which you can pick up leaves and debris! And they only cost $12.95. I KNEW I had to have them. I ordered them, and they arrived on my front porch lickety-split.

And then I ignored them. Because I’d already taken care of the pile of leaves and I felt no sudden urge to do any more raking. So they sat there on the dining room table. And sat there. And sat there. Then I moved them out to the garage, and they sat there. And sat there.

Then one day, after Fred moved the littlest chickens from the brooder to the small chicken coop, we went out at dusk to herd them into their chicken coop. Little chickens are not born knowing that they’re supposed to go back into the coop when it starts to get dark, so it takes a few weeks of teaching them to go back in. They eventually get the idea and start going in on their own, but the two weeks of teaching them to go in the coop at dark is a killer.

Herding chickens is not so much fun, especially little chickens, because they’re tiny and can slip through the space between your hands before you’ve realized it.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

One evening, after too much time spent chasing the little chickens around and putting them in their coop, a light bulb went on over my head, and I thought “Hey. Those leaf scoops are kind of big. I wonder if they’d be any help?”

Yes INDEED they were helpful. They were VERY helpful. They were, as they say, the best thing since sliced bread. With the help of the leaf scoops (or, as I started calling them, SCOOP HANDS) we got those baby chickens herded and put away in no time flat.

So I present to you, dear readers, a pictorial to answer the burning question:

WHAT CAN YOU DO WITH SCOOP HANDS?!


As mentioned, you can herd the hell out of baby chickens with SCOOP HANDS!


You can ALSO herd ADULT chickens with SCOOP HANDS!


You really CAN scoop up leaves like a motherfucker with SCOOP HANDS!


You can swat at wasps that dive-bomb you with SCOOP HANDS!


You can scratch pigs behind the ears with SCOOP HANDS!


You can deflect Het Rays from stumpy little gray cats with SCOOP HANDS!

The SCOOP HANDS, as you can see, are multi-functional. They are inexpensive, they are light, they are AWESOME. They are not, however, perfect. There are many things you cannot do with SCOOP HANDS!

So with this incomplete list, I answer the burning question:

WHAT CAN YOU NOT DO WITH SCOOP HANDS!?


You cannot pick carrots with SCOOP HANDS!


You cannot pull a wagon with SCOOP HANDS!


You cannot help build a chicken coop with SCOOP HANDS!


You cannot open a gate with SCOOP HANDS!


You cannot stop yourself from getting smutz on the front of your shirt with SCOOP HANDS! SCOOP HANDS are not MAGIC, and if you are a klutz, you’ll be a klutz with or without SCOOP HANDS!


You cannot stop your husband from taking a picture of your ass unexpectedly with SCOOP HANDS! Well, you could if you knew he was going to do it, but SCOOP HANDS are not all-knowing. SCOOP HANDS have no intelligence of their own. If you want to protect your ass from unwanted pictures, you have to direct the SCOOP HANDS to cover your back end!

The list could go on (don’t groan and roll your eyes at me!), but the list of things you both can and cannot do with SCOOP HANDS is infinite. You could probably come up with a new thing to do and not do with SCOOP HANDS every day (Come back! I won’t. I promise!), but I think you should know this, without a doubt:

SCOOP HANDS rock!

(Though if you don’t rake leaves or herd chickens, they might not really be worth your time. They still rock, though!)

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We’ll discuss the Crooked Acres election results (and how one sheriff candidate is under investigation for locking the other in a CLOSET) tomorrow. Maybe Friday, depending.

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Previously
2007: I thought if the remote was lost, you were screwed.
2006: No entry.
2005: No entry.
2004: Did you think I was writing this from The Great Beyond?
2003: Wonder if I appear too old and feeble to help with the loading of the groceries.
2002: That’s your trivia fact for the day. You’re welcome!
2001: Amish country.
2000: No entry.
1999: Hey, this is some exciting stuff, isn’t it? What will I talk about next, dryer lint? Woohoo, somebody stop me!

31 Responses to “11-5-08”

  1. Shelly says:

    You could be a new superhero: Super Scoop!

  2. jac says:

    I read the caption: “You can ALSO herd ADULT chickens with SCOOP HANDS!”, scrolled down, and there you were with an adult chicken snapped between the scoops! With feathers all hanging out! Holy jebus, I thought to myself, Robyn is ROUGH with those mutherfucking chickens!

    Oh. They’re leaves. Wrong caption. Carry on.

  3. Melissa B. says:

    LOL! I thought it was a chicken in there too Jac! 🙂

    This was completely hilarious.

  4. Miz Robyn says:

    I’d go and switch the pictures around so no one will think I’m abusing the chickens, but I am laughing my ASS off imagining the horrified reactions, so I’m gonna leave ’em. Hee.

    Shelly: I bet I could totally FLY with SCOOP HANDS!

  5. Nance says:

    You might be in need of a vacation. I’m just saying!

  6. Elaine says:

    Count me in with thinking you were Scoop Handing adult chickens. Just a touch rough I thought. Glad to know it was the leaves. Now I want some. Guess I will be asking for the romantic stuff for the big birthday this year.

  7. Elizabeth in NC says:

    Mister Boogers looks giant in that picture where he’s in front of you.

  8. Lo says:

    You can’t pick your nose with scoop hands … and that’s important.

  9. kathy says:

    I thought you had a chicken in there too. Sadly, it didn’t occur to me that the chicken might not be enjoying it.

    If you’re looking for additional uses for other things, we use the bucket on my dad’s loader for all sorts of things. I climb in it and my dad raises it up so I can clean out the gutters at their house. He’s also boosted me waaaaay up to fix the roof on the owl house in the highest tree on the property. However, I will not go near the bucket when my brother is driving the tractor. I have a feeling he’d send the bucket as high as it would go and then wander off (on purpose) for a day or two.

  10. Gina says:

    OMG – Robyn, you are wearing something that FITS!
    Yay you!

    It is a pretty color too.

  11. farmwife says:

    ROTFL!!! Robyn, you kill me…..I needed a laugh this morning, thanks! 🙂

  12. Lori says:

    This is hilarious, and also you are so CUTE in your little lounge wear outfit!

  13. Semaphore with SCOOP HANDS!

  14. J says:

    Lordy woman! Scoop Hands need to hire you to do a commercial for their product.
    *psst I looked twice thinking “naw… that couldn’t be a chicken…could it?” *snort*

  15. Kathy says:

    Scoop Hands Poster Child. Your new job! Can’t to see you on QVC!!!

  16. Val says:

    I was up way too late last night watching CNN – which I swear I was not going to do. Thanks for the morning laugh – I needed it to get my blood moving. I vote for Outside Mama as the culprit.

  17. David says:

    Robyn,

    That was one funny post. Thanks for making ny morning.

  18. Matt says:

    Almost missed this:

    “We’ll discuss the Crooked Acres election results (and how one sheriff candidate is under investigation for locking the other in a CLOSET) tomorrow.”

    WHAT THE HELL?! Good Grief! Now… why didn’t Palin think of that?

  19. Andrea says:

    It’s like I was watching an infomercial for Scoop Hands. You make me want to buy one, and I don’t even have leaves in my yard, or chickens of any size.
    Don’t forget to discuss The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Kim sings! And I use the word “sings” very loosely.

  20. Heidi says:

    I haven’t laughed out loud like that at one of your entries in awhile — that was hilarious!! And you look unbelievable. Inspirational.

  21. angie says:

    So glad I’m not the only one who thought you had captured a chicken with scoop hands!

    And when you told Fred that you wanted him to take a bunch of pictures with you doing things with scoop hands, he didn’t think you were crazy?!

    Hilarious post! I bet Mister Boogers hate rays burn through scoop hands. He didn’t look scared of them at all.

  22. Sara says:

    You look incredibly cute in those pictures.

  23. Donna says:

    I wouldn’t want to scoop up leaves – I used to disturb little spiders and other critters. ick. and eeek!

  24. the other leslie says:

    I love how you look completely confounded and frustrated by the picking of carrots, just like the infomercials.

    “You flip, and they flop!” *Woman looking frustrated and overwhelmed by the flipping of pancakes*

    “Love pasta, but hate draining the hot water?” How do you separate pasta from water?

  25. loriva says:

    best.post.ever.

  26. Amy says:

    I love these photos of you with those scooper things!!! Funny!!!!

  27. webster says:

    Robyn,
    You look marvelous in those clothes that FIT you. And that green suits you well.:-)

    Chickies, beware of the scary Scoop Hands!

    Just think of how fast you could swim with those on! lol

  28. Jen says:

    Holy crap I just laughed my ass off – you CANNOT do X with scoop hands, LMAO

  29. Alison says:

    Wow!! That is a beautiful color on you!!!

  30. Rose says:

    You look great! Love the new cut and color, love the bright, fitted shirt. And the grin.

  31. anji says:

    Ass wiping, also impossible I bet!

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