Warning: Love Cruise spoilers ahead.

Oh. Muh. Gawd.


Did you see it? Did you see the final episode of Love Cruise last night? When the two couples had tied after the voting? And they were banished downstairs whilst the voters deliberated longer? And they were sitting in their cabins talking? And Darin said to Melissa (and there were captions so we could understand what he was mumbling) “When boy Tony came up, I thought I was gonna start�”

Wait for it.

“I thought I was gonna start�”

It just blows my mind.

“I thought I was gonna start balling.”

Oh yes. That’s exactly what it said.

God in heaven, if you think I didn’t run to the bottom of the stairs and yell that information up to Fred, you don’t know me at ALL.

Who wants to bet that there’s a captioner out of work today? Man, what a colossal fuck-up.

GOD I wish I’d been taping the show. But I’d already gotten the bug-eyed pictures of Toni, so I didn’t think there’d be anything else to capture.

Melissa and Darin won, which makes me not so happy. I don’t know who I wanted to win – not any of the couples in the finals, in any case – but definitely not Darin and Melissa.

And Host Justin stepped up and said something like “Melissa and Darin conducted themselves with dignity and class, and so they really deserve this cash and this trip.”

Dignity and class?

Darin? Perhaps, if to sniff about after a pouty bitch who HAS a boyfriend and is a pouty bitch can be said to behave with dignity and class.

Melissa? Not so much, if to pout and bitch and stomp and yell and throw temper tantrums means not acting with dignity and class. Which she didn’t. At all.

Although I’ll point out that there are plenty of pouty, bitchy, stompy and yell-y temper tantrums around here, so, uh, kettle? Hi, it’s pot.

Moving on…

Lord, lord, lord, how I miss my Lucky Charms. See, back on the OLD calorie-countin’ eating plan, I often had a small bowl o’ Lucky Charms at the end of the evening. Since I’m following the Body for Life eating plan, Bill Phillips would probably (does this sound familiar, Athena? 🙂 flip out and send his goons to my house to force me to do 65,000 sets of crunches if he heard that I was jonesing for the charms (marshmallow goodness!), so I’ve been behaving.

How long is this challenge thing, anyway? 12 weeks, you say? Why, that means I only have 80 days to go. Woohoo!

I bought a 12-pack of lemon diet coke yesterday, because I read about it in Melissa’s journal recently, and it sounded potentially good. So yesterday at Publix, I was looking to buy a 6-pack, which they didn’t have. I fumed and fussed for a few minutes, until I realized that due to the current sale, a 12-pack would cost the very exact same as a 6-pack. Bargain! So I bought a 12-pack each of lemon and the regular.

When I got home, I put a few cans in the refrigerator, because as much as I’ve come to like diet coke, I still can’t drink it warm the way I could the non-diet stuff back in the day when I was an addict. Hell, back then not only would I have liked it warm, I would have lapped it up from a puddle on the sidewalk if given the chance.

Anyway, come dinner time, Fred asked if he could have a can of the stuff, and I very kindly allowed that he could.

As he stood up after dinner, after only taking a few sips, he pushed the mostly-full can over to the spud.

"I don’t like it," he said haughtily. "It’s not even REAL lemon juice. It’s citric acid!"

Well. Could I pass up the opportunity to make fun of him?

"Whuh?!" I exclaimed over-dramatically. "You mean they took a can of CHEMICALS" I lifted the can to dramatize my point "and just ADDED more CHEMICALS to it?! I thought for sure they’d be hiring kids from Guatemala to stand over the cans and squeeze fresh lemon juice into them! I think we’d better call the Better Business Bureau!"

He just makes it so easy to make fun of him sometimes.