Fancypants gets a hair up his ass and starts fights with all the other cats (especially Spot and Tubby), and within an hour there are big tufts of cat hair all over my freshly vacuumed floor? Bastards. Did you know that most shampoos that are sold in the U.S. have the ingredient sodium laureth sulfate, which is what makes it get all foamy and bubbly? It’s a detergent, and dries out your hair, according to something I recently read. I spent a good five minutes in the shampoo aisle at Target this morning, looking at the ingredients on the back of each and every damn shampoo bottle. Every last one of them listed sodium laureth sulfate as the second or third ingredient. I don’t know about y’all, but I wash my hair every day – I have to, or I’ll go through the day feeling icky and unclean. In the five weeks between hair coloring appointments, my hair lightens from a medium brown to a light reddish-brown, and I hate that. Both Gisou and Mastey sell shampoos that don’t contain sodium laureth sulfate, and I think I’m going to buy a bottle and try it out. As soon as I get low on shampoo, that is. What? You think I’m going to toss out the shampoo I already have? There’s more than half a bottle left, I can’t do that! Oh, and while I’m sharing links, go check out this page written by a police officer, detailing what you should do if you’re stopped. Since I made such an idiot out of myself the last time I was stopped for speeding, I swore to myself that next time I got stopped (and you KNOW there’s going to be a next time, sooner or later) I’d simply apologize and plead dumbassery. It’s good to know that that’s probably the best way to go. Dear Salon Magazine – Thank you so much for demeaning and trivializing the touching Wrath of a Terror Widow by making sure that your goddamn advertisements blocked what I was reading, so that I had to turn my attention from understanding the feelings of a 9/11 widow to closing YOUR GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING ADVERTISEMENT windows THREE DIFFERENT FUCKING TIMES. I’ll be certain that none of my disposable income goes toward the companies whose advertisements blocked what I was reading, and I’ll be sure that they know exactly why. Sincerely, Robyn Assholes. 1. What’s your favorite animal? You know, I’m not sure. I need to think about it… 2. What pets have you had in your lifetime? I started out with a hamster – more than one of them, actually – and we had a parakeet as a family pet, then got a dog (Taffy), and then a cat (Tabitha). Other than that, the spud had a cat (PFE*) who died a few years ago, and then the five we currently have. *PFE = pronounced "Piffy", it stood for Pure Fucking Evil. Not because she necessarily was, but it was a cool name. She had about fifteen different names over the time we had her, from Mazzy to Katie to something Debbie named her that I can’t remember. What was it, Deb?

3. Is there any specific pet that you’ve wanted but never had? Not really. It would be cool to have a parakeet, but I’d be stressed out all the time, worrying about whether the cats were trying to eat it. I also wouldn’t mind having a big-ass fish tank, but there’s not really anywhere to put it. 4. Are you allergic to any animals? Not that I know of. 5. Do you have any ‘pet’ pet peeves (your pets or others’)? Hairballs, big fluffs of cat fur when I’ve just vacuumed, the hair imbedded into the carpet on the stairs, and the Mad Shitter pooing on the carpet outside the laundry room instead of in the litter box. The bastard. The word "megrims" popped into my head while I was taking my shower this morning, and I tried to decide whether I knew what it meant or not. What, you don’t do that? Anyway, the definition I came up with was "Like the blues, only grumpier." I checked Merriam Webster, and the definition they give is "low spirits." I like my definition better. (And no, I don’t have the megrims – the word just popped into my mind for some reason)